becauseidrift

Everyone has that moment

in their life when they know they need to make some drastic changes.  This moment came to me about five years ago.  James showed me a picture he had snapped while taking pictures for Needville at the  regional volleyball tournament in San Antonio.

It was a picture of my parents,

my sister with her daughter Hannah and me.  As I looked at the picture, I wondered “Who is that person sitting with my family?” I could NOT believe what my eyes were seeing.  “I don’t look like that.”  I just kept staring at the photo. “THAT IS NOT ME….”

Hard cold truth is….

It was me.  I needed to make some changes.  I did the South Beach Diet and lost 60 pounds.  The diet worked.  I felt better and was a bit more active.  Only problem was I got off… and the weight started coming back.

I will tell you.

That picture is still on my iPad but I don’t need to pull it up.  The image is burned in my mind.  I don’t ever want to look, but more importantly, FEEL like that ever again.  So, an appointment was made with Doctor John Pilcher, gastric by-pass specialist.

Every emotion goes through your mind

when you are thinking about having this surgery.  My biggest emotion was FAILURE.  My gosh, I was an athlete in college.  I know how to control my weight.  I know how to stay in shape.  I know how to keep it off once I reach that point.  So WHY can’t I do it….?

This was a drastic choice.

While waiting to go back into surgery, I realized my sweat glands were on overload.  This was the very first surgery, I thought, I might not come out of alive.  The first panic attack making me realize this procedure was optional.   The doctor didn’t say “if you don’t have this you will die.”  It was elective.

April is the anniversary of my three year big decision,  the “THE SLEEVE.”

The BEST decision I made for ME.  I have lost 105 pounds and 8 dress sizes and I look better.  But, the biggest thing about the surgery is that I FEEL better.  I can move with ease and there are no aches going up and down the stairs anymore.  When we are harvesting cotton getting up and down the module builder is effortless, and if need be, I can climb in the builder and dig out the cotton.

I am not saying go have gastric by pass if you are overweight.

What I am saying is there will be moments in your life that are “life altering.” Think about your options.  Weight the pros and cons of the situation and make and informative decision.

My dad always says,

“When you make a decision go with it and don’t look back.”  I agree with him for the most part.  But in this case, I make my self glance back to remind me of where I’ve been and to reaffirm my conviction to never go back.  I also look forward with hope knowing that I am a healthier happier me.

I

 

 

“Get me a crescent wrench.

I need the tool that removes snap rings.” my dad would say, on any given Saturday from underneath the car.  My job was to sit on a bucket and go and get the tools he asked for.  So, by the time I left for college, I knew almost all the tools in my daddy’s tool box.

He made sure that,

when I drove away that I knew a couple of mechanical things about my car.  Where the jack was and how to fix a flat by MYSELF.  Texas Tech was 8 hours from home and he didn’t want me stranded on the side of the road waiting for someone to stop to help me.  He wanted me to be SELF SUFFICIENT.

At the time,

while I was just sitting on that ol’ bucket waiting for instructions, I thought “what a waste of time.”

Now, I look back and think “HOW DID HE KNOW…?”

What he was teaching me was how to take care of myself.   He didn’t want me to have to rely on anyone but ME.  He didn’t want me waiting  on someone to do something for me when I was capable of doing things for myself.  He was teaching me to have the confidence to just jump in and do it.

I can remember once,

while at Texas Tech, my car door handle on my car was broken on the inside.  Every time I stopped, in order to get out, I had to roll the window down and open the car from the outside.  So I called my dad.  He didn’t say, “take it to the shop and I will pay to have it fixed.”  He didn’t say, “I will come up this weekend to fix it for you.”  He said, “What are YOU going to do about it?”

I thought about it a while,

and called him back.  “I guess I could take the door panel off the door and remove the handle that’s broken.  Then, I could go to the wrecking yard to see if they have the broken piece I need.”  He said,”That’s what I would do.”  End of conversation.  And, that is exactly what I did.  The hardest part of the whole process was borrowing the tools to do the job.

If you really want to empower yourself….

Learn how to do stuff.  How many hours do we sit and wait on people to fix stuff for us.  Instead of saying “Can someone please fix the faucet in the front yard because it is dripping?” Say,” Can someone teach me how to fix the faucet in the front yard,”  So, the next time you have a leaky faucet, you can fix it yourself.

I am just going to leave you with one question…”What are you going to do about it?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am finally done with the one canvas

that made my Christmas ho-hum.  Finishing this canvas was a priority.  A must, so I could move out of 2016 without carrying my problems into 2017.  I needed a clean canvas so to speak.  So, today on the 31st of December…..I am finishing up that project.

My problem is not of great importance

to anyone but me.  No one else is staying up all night long thinking about how to make my problem with this canvas better.  No one but ME, is studying other artist to see if some of their techniques will make this canvas look right.  No one in my family even understands why this is so important to me.

I have included the process in pictures.

A couple of them are okay, I guess.  Finishing them would have been easier, but they weren’t right.  I am not even sure the final canvas is right.

But It does speak to me…

The boy looking into the water is my grandson Jadon.  The fins and some of the fish are his hand prints and the seaweed is made up of his little feet.  The underlying coats added texture and extra love.

2017 is a New Year,

so wrap up those old canvases.  Get rid of the dirty paint water and paper towels.  Clear your mind of the things that are causing you to stay up all night with worry.  Start the year with a new clean canvas.  I am…

James loves his Charlie Brown Christmas tree

full of the ornaments the kids made in school.  The only problem is most of them are old and breaking.  My favorite one is the reindeer made from a candy cane. All of my kids made one with Mrs. Multer. They are so cute and yet so soggy that, I just cant put them out anymore.

With that thought in mind,

I went to Morgans 2nd grade class with a clay slab ready to cut.  One at a time each of the students picked which rubber stamp they wanted to use for their ornament.  Each wrote their name in the clay and the year.  Then, they gave it their stamp of approval. When the clay ornaments came out of the kiln, I went back for a day of painting.  Each picked their color and we painted them.

I have to tell you

I miss teaching on days like that… Interacting with the students and learning about them was so enjoyable.

I guess the highlight

of the day was Morgan allowed me to read my new favorite Christmas story to them, “How to Catch a Santa.”  It was so fun and made this old school teachers, CHRISTMAS.

Thank you, Morgan, for sharing your Christmas “JOY” with me.

It was  starting to be a Ho Hum Christmas.

My creative ideas have been on a stand still for a couple of weeks.  This is terrible… Actually, quite depressing.

I know exactly when it started.

This creative funk is all due to trying to create a painting that just wasn’t meant to be.  I saw what it was supposed to be and then forced it into something else.  Needless to say that canvas has many coats of paint and is still blank as far as I am concerned and yet it occupies my entire mind.

The bad part about this is…

I try to make my mom and my sister something special every year for Christmas.  I want these gift to be awesome because I only get to see them a few times a year.  Awesome is not happening… In fact, I have prayed about it, thought hours about it and finally broke down and cried about it.

Most of you are thinking REALLY tears….

Just go buy something for them.  They will be happy and the problem will be solved.

It wont be.

The hours I spend making that special perfect gift for my mom and my sister are the hours that I pray for them, think about them and send them vibes of goodwill and love.  They are also the hours that bring them close to me.  So close that I can touch their presence.

I finally broke down

and called my sister crying, trying to explain what my dilemma was…  She said “Cecilia your gift to us doesn’t have to be so GRAND.  We know how much you love us.”

So this morning,

I walked in the “She Shed” and looked around and came up with a compromise.

 

Half of the gift made from an old table leg and the other half purchased to make their gift.

 

Maybe, just maybe,

I can get past the Hum of the Ho Hum Christmas and make it into a Ho Ho Ho, Christmas.

 

 

 

I love you…

is what I would say to my hubby every night before we went to sleep when we were first married.  Most of the time he would reply, “I love you too.”  But, sometimes he just went to sleep.

It would drive me crazy.

I started thinking…. “Maybe he doesn’t love me, I mean he didn’t respond.”  All the next day I was worried over those three little words that he didn’t respond to.

Then,

it would turn into me giving him the silent treatment. You know the old, “I’m not talking to you right now, you made me mad,” treatment.  And, the glares,” I am so disgusted with you!” in them.  Along with the, “I’m not sure I love you either” LOOKS.

After that didn’t work,

and I had been mad for a week, I finally blurted out why I was mad. “You didn’t tell me you loved me too!”

“Did I wash your car and,

fill it up with gas?  Did I help you weld that plant stand you’ve been laying out in the barn?”

He looked at me and said….”I do things for you everyday to SHOW you I love you.”  I fell asleep without responding one night, and you have been mad at me for a week.”

Now that you know how our love works…

I have to tell James, “I LOVE YOU, too!”  Thanks for the fabulous greenhouse.  I have been wanting one for years.  This year he bought a kit and he and the boys put it together for me.

And next year,

when he needs a boll buggy driver, I will be there.  You see…. I fall asleep without saying “I love you too!,” sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My daddy

is the baby of nine and because of that I have 52 first cousin.  My husbands dad is the 2nd of six.  He has lots of first cousins.  When we first started dating we had a family reunion every couple of weeks or at least that’s how it felt.  It was at one of these family reunions that I tasted the best fall cake ever.

The Wildes,

my husbands fathers, mothers side of the family, has a Christmas reunion every year on Thanksgiving.  In 1987, I was invited for the first time.  They had ordered fried chicken from town and then all the families invited brought a veggie and a dessert.

After going through the serving line and getting my chicken leg and a dab of all the veggies, I went back for dessert.  I’m not a cake eater.  I am a cookie and pie kinda girl so, I grabbed a couple cookies and was fixing to go back to my table to have a seat, when I thought “why not,” and grabbed a piece of cake.

I am not lying when I say…

I did not leave the dessert table for several hours waiting for the owner of the cake plate to come back an claim her dish.  It was that GOOD.  I was a cake plate stalker.

When Anna Marie Kubenka

came back for her dish, I was there. She had no idea, who I was or where I was from but, she was going to find out. I NEEDED that cake recipe.  Did I tell you I don’t really like cake?  So, for me to need it should explain how delicious it was.  She was so gracious and shared with me where her yummy “Fresh Apple Cake” recipe could be found.

I call it my no fail fall

“Fresh Apple Cake”because it is so easy.  I always have the ingredients on hand and its that cake you make when your apples are not supper crisp but you hate to throw them out, cake.

 

The only mistake

one can make is to over stir it.  When it says mix by hand that means with a spoon or spatula until the ingredients are incorporated.  Over stirring will give you a bread like consistency and that’s not what you want.  Also, I cube my apples into half inch pieces because they make the cake super moist.

The recipe can be found in the Wall Catholic Daughters Cookbook with the yellow binding.

I was that child of my moms.

The one who was strong-willed and the one who was going to do things her own way.  Right or wrong that’s how I was and still am.

At the age of 12

My mom promised me a car if I would just make C’s in school.  “I am not asking for much Cecilia.”  I can still hear her pleading with me to just give some effort.  I remember my response to her.  “I don’t need a car. I’m only 12 years old.”

She did NOT know what to do with me,

Begging, pleading, bribery and punishment did not work with me.  I struggled and so my mom struggled right along with me. She wanted me to be successful.  She wanted everyone else to see the girl she saw at home.

What did She do?

She tried to find something I was interested in.  Something that I would excel at.  Something that would make me want to work.  We started with baton lessons at the age of five and then dance at the age of six.  From there, it was swimming, diving, softball, track, Girl Scouts, basketball and volleyball.

As it turns out,

I was pretty good at volleyball.  It was THE activity that my mom was looking for.  The one that I wanted to do or play more than anything else.  And, She was right… I had to make the grades in order to play.  I made low C’s.

My dad asked

“Where are you going to go to college?” “I’m not.” I said.  “Unless, I get a scholarship.” My dad didn’t really respond to that answer.  I am sure he was thinking, “A low C average student in high school, NO ONE is going to give her a scholarship.”

Lucky for me…

We went to the state volleyball tournament my senior year.  We were consolation winners but, it was the exposure I needed.  Sometime in January, Gool Castelberry contacted the school and asked me to tryout for her team.  After trying out she offered me a scholarship.  I played for St. Phillips for two years.

Dad was leaving for work

and he woke me up early.  “Which school are you going to choose today?”  “I don’t know,” I replied…This was the first time I realized he was proud of me.  I sat there at 6 in the morning with three letters of intent on the kitchen table.  I had three new scholarships offered to me just to play ball.  Angelo State, Southwest Texas, and Texas Tech were my choices.  The last thing dad said as the door shut was “I don’t know many people who get to play in the Southwest Conference.” so….. I picked Texas Tech.

It is not what she did

it is what she didn’t do.  She didn’t give up on this strong-willed drifting daughter of hers.  She didn’t let all the teachers and councilors at school, who told her that her daughter would never graduate from college, keep her from trying to find a solution.  And last, she never made me feel like I was different.  She let me be me.

Last little note…

Be your childs best advocate.  Know you must keep a postive attitude and love your children for who they are and for who they are not.  Each of us has special gifts and we are ALL unique.

 

It is a mess…

Everything including the floor is tomato dirty.  Why would I put myself through this trouble?  Why would anyone put themselves through the work of canning tomatoes?  Most people look at the mess and say “ya, I’m just going to buy salsa in town.”  It tastes good every time and its relatively inexpensive. Plus, if you put all the work into it and your family doesn’t like it, you end up throwing it out at the end of the year.  I can tell you from experience, that after I watched my husband dump several jars of my LABOR into the trash, I was a store salsa lover.  No mess and no work.  Everyone is happy!

The truth is

my brother-n-law Clyde had fabulous tomatoes this year and he dropped a few off on his way to the farmers market.  There were too many to just eat so I needed to find a new salsa recipe.  While searching the internet I came across a recipe.  To me, the taste is equivalent to the store brands.  In fact, it taste even better.  Also, I know where the tomatoes were raised.  They are ripe and have that home-grown yummy flavor.  There is no sugar, vinegar or preservatives added. So, for me it was worth the effort to try one more time.  I started by making one small batch, not enough to can, just enough to eat.  I served it at lunch and to my surprise everyone loved it. I take that back.  I wasn’t really surprised because I liked it. I just wanted to make sure the real critics, my family, who are the main consumers liked it as much as I did.

The recipe

I wish the recipe was crafted by me but it wasn’t.  I did make a couple of alterations to the original just because of personal preferences.  I have noted in my own writing on the side of the recipe.  The recipe  can be found at Food.com “Fresh Homemade Salsa For Canning” by KKleinRN.  I guess the reason I went with the food.com recipe is because my shelves are full of cookbooks from churches, communities and the store but, the only way one really knows if the recipe is good is to try it or talk to someone who has.  The internet is a great source.  What I liked about Food.com was that the recipe came rated.  Many people had already tried it. They, NOT me, had already put blood sweat and tears into seeing if it tasted good and I liked that.

Fresh pico de gallo

is what it tasted like even after being canned.  In this method a hot water bath is used to remove the skin off of the tomatoes.   What the recipe doesn’t tell you to do is to put them in an ice bath after, the hot water bath, for quicker results. Then, all the parts are put into the food processor and pulsed.  Add the spices and you are done making the salsa.  It can be served just like it is or you can take the extra steps to can it.

A variation

 

 

roast the tomatoes and peppers on the grill till they get a little char.  You can then let them cool and peel off the skin but, I found the skin not to be unintrusive and it holds the smokey flavor.   Chop all the ingredients in the food processor and serve or can.  The men in my family really like the way this version tastes.

I Am Done With Tomatoes…..

until next year.